


Sweet Love Of Mine

by Lunarium



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, Irresistible Instincts/Urges, M/M, Soulmates Gone Wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-07 12:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12232626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarium/pseuds/Lunarium
Summary: Keith harbored a secret love for Shiro for many years but never said anything out of fear of it destroying their friendship. Shiro deeply loved Keith for many years but never said anything, wanting Keith to be the first to speak if he felt the same way. Kuron's own feelings are complicated.





	Sweet Love Of Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cerberusia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerberusia/gifts).



The guitar riff pouring from the car radio vibrated along to his trilling heart as soft lips stole his breath in a hundred little ways. Starlight bathed his boyfriend’s features, tiny sparks of starlight at the tips of his dark hair, accentuating his beauty, the eyes poised on him, the lips which sought his, moaning his name, his voice husky from the kiss and washed under the waves of the music. 

Keith exhaled and opened his eyes to a brighter room, choking back a tear. In an instant the fantasy was gone, the handsome upperclassman no longer his. Yet the song still played, rocking his ears through a set of headphones. His hands were still buried in his open jeans. 

The singer’s voice could easily be Shiro’s. 

He didn’t want to dwell where Shiro may be at this very moment as the late afternoon sun was setting down over the horizon, casting shadows long and dark over all of the town. Perhaps he was studying for some big exam. Perhaps getting ready for a date with a student in his year. The thought filled Keith with such intense jealousy that he pumped up the volume on his music player and focused all his attention on the voice, his hand, the pleasure, Shiro…

*

Gaining the friendship of Takashi Shirogane seemed impossible, as the young man was so loved by his peers and mentors alike that it seemed odd for the star student and pilot to turn his attention towards someone like Keith. Keith did nothing to try to capture his attention. Shiro’s eyes fell on him. And complimented him. And gave him some tips on his piloting. And then…never left his side.

An unlikely friendship. His only friend, and for a time Keith kept his walls up before feeling secure enough to let them down around Shiro. 

Not all of his walls, mind. The fantasies of kissing Shiro before all of Galaxy Garrison, of stealing him away for a night of passion, _those_ he kept locked up and well away from the light, never to reach his lips. He was careful not to let his eyes linger on Shiro for a moment too long, lest his own body betrayed him, collapsing everything that he’s slowly built to have all this time. 

The effort proved difficult as time passed. Not with how open Shiro was, comfortable enough with the shoulder touches, softening his voice when they were alone, almost as if _he_ harbored something for Keith…

 _No, do not think like that!_ Keith often berated himself every time the hopeful thought reared its head. _Don’t risk what you have with him!_

“Keith, are you listening?” 

Keith gave a little start and stared on ahead. Shiro’s car was parked such that they had a clear vantage point over the town. The evening sun shone warm and amber into their car as evening followed in fast pursuit. 

The radio was on, and the old song drawled to an end. After a couple silent moments the next played, and Keith felt his heart constrict. That song. His song. Their song. 

His heart rate picked up the pace. He glanced towards Shiro, who was smiling. The sunlight shone behind him, casting him in warm light of amber gold. 

_Just like my dreams_ , Keith thought and he leaned closer. 

“I’ve decided I will go on the mission to Kerberos,” Shiro said. His words hit Keith like ice, halting his progression towards Shiro. “I’ve given it some thought since Dr. Holt approached me, and I’ve decided I want to do this.” 

Kerberos. Space. It would mean Shiro wouldn’t be with him. Keith tried to hide the disappointment. He had to be happy for Shiro. For his friend. It was expected this would happen, especially as Shiro was the star student of the Garrison. Of course eyes would be on him. Of course offers would come pouring in, threatening to pry Shiro away from his side. 

The song was still blaring on, and Keith’s heart constricted at the words. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered if this was a sign. Tell him now, pour out his feelings to Shiro, reach over and claim his lips under the evening sun. 

The minutes ticked by. The song long ended and the radio turned to a series of annoying commercials. And still he didn’t move. Finally, Keith shifted back to his seat. 

“Great! That’s great to hear,” he said, feigning a smile.

*

Shiro had sensed Keith was secretly upset about him leaving, so he made a promise to return soon. He had invited Keith to be there on the day they left Earth, and Shiro swept him into the tightest and tenderest embrace Keith had ever received in his life, one that lingered, one that made him wish he could just cup Shiro’s chin in his hands and kiss him before Shiro was sucked away beyond the exosphere.

“Keep up with your studies and piloting, all right?” Shiro said softly in Keith’s ear. “I want my next mission to be with you.” 

Keith squeezed him back. 

And then news of pilot error reached Earth, and Keith’s grief landed him a disciplinary action at the Garrison that flunked him out. He wept each time he heard Their Song that he avoided it. Instead of music he filled his mind with a new obsession, as visions and dreams took up a wall of his shack, a strange mystery he could sink himself into obsessing, and meanwhile, forgetting the reason for him being here. 

And then by some miracle, by some invisible god who had taken mercy on his miserable life, Shiro was given back to him. Then there was Voltron and they became Princess Allura’s Paladins, the defenders of the universe. Happy and relieved as he was to have Shiro with him again, fighting side by side as comrades and allies and friends, Keith never spoke of the love that burned once more, rekindled at once the moment he had laid eyes on Shiro strapped on the gurney, resurrected from the un-grave. 

And then…Shiro was gone again. Ripped away suddenly for no reason. Keith tried to make sense of it. Shiro had told him before that he was to lead the team if he was gone. Why had he said that? What did Shiro know? Was he planning on leaving? Why now? Why in this way? It wasn’t like him. He would at least _tell_ Keith. 

He would at least hug him goodbye.

*

“Keith, I know this is all very painful for you,” Allura said when Keith dismounted from the Black Lion. Searching the site of that last battle with Zarkon was becoming all in vain, yet Keith kept going back. Just in case there was something he missed. “I know Shiro for you is irreplaceable.”

Keith sighed heavily. “Irreplaceable only to me, more like. You all seemed to move on quickly.” He didn’t mean to hurl an insult when Allura’s own words were trying to be kind. It was a good thing Allura held her own, used to how he got when he was frustrated. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she said with a harder tone than before that made Keith wince in shame. He hung his head at his outburst. Smiling in compassion, she stepped closer. “I meant to say…I did not wish to speak of this when I had first met you, as I was unsure what your people believed in and the status of your relationship to Shiro, but ever since I have analyzed the souls of each Paladin I had all the confirmation I needed.”

“Princess, what are you trying to tell me?” 

“Shiro and you are soulmates.” 

Keith’s eyes widened for a moment but he caught himself from chuckling. “Why is this…” 

“I wanted to let you know. The reason why you’re both so heavily linked, what drew you close in the first place, why Shiro’s absence is hurting you the most…I believe it must be because of you two being soulmates. Have you not heard of them on your planet?” 

“We do, but not many believe in them,” Keith said. “I never really thought about it. What I know I saw in movies. They’re probably not really…correct about soulmates. Or it’s different than what Alteans believe in.” 

Allura smiled. “On Altea we celebrate and take note when soulmates are found. You have a very special bond. You continue to find each other in each lifetime, and your souls walk together between each life.” 

After a few moments of silence, Keith nodded. “That’s…good to know…” 

Allura’s smile faded at his reaction. “I’m sorry. I never said anything because I never saw you two kiss. You both seemed very close, closer than the other Paladins that I wondered if there was something beyond what we saw. After Shiro disappeared, I saw how it affected you, and…” 

Keith glanced away, debating if he should divulge any more. Before he could stop himself, the words slipped out. “I never said anything to him because I don’t know how he feels.” 

He balled his hand into a fist to fight back the shaking before the arms came around him. Taken aback, his face full of Allura’s hair as she embraced him. “I’m sorry.” 

“Thanks. Really. I mean it. I’m sorry for my earlier outburst.” He hugged her back and the two parted. He made to leave before stopping. “Do Alteans believe that soulmates will get together in _every_ lifetime? And…stay together?” 

Allura met his eyes. “Yes. Soulmates always find each other. But soulmates may also have obstacles to go through in some lifetimes.” 

Keith’s smile was small. He couldn’t hold back the bitter remark. “ _Great._ Just our luck!”

*

It was months before the Black Lion located Shiro. Keith’s heart was close to bursting as his arms filled with the dying man that slipped out of the Galra space pod; he was thin and weary from his travels in cold space. When the helmet came off, Keith’s entire heart froze. His mind tried to ration for the reason why Shiro’s hair fell over his shoulders. He got the story from him, many times: Galra ship, experimentations, no memory of how he ended up there.

Keith was almost willing to believe that. Perhaps some injection administered resulted in rapid hair growth. But he was not willing to believe the change in Shiro’s behavior, the way this man, his own friend, openly fought and raised his voice at him before the rest of the team and resorted to softer words when they were alone. That wasn’t his Shiro. Shiro wouldn’t hold back in reprimanding him if he thought he was acting out of line. But he did them privately. Shiro never humiliated him in front of a crowd. Not at the Garrison. Not with Team Voltron. 

The others accepted him as Shiro. Perhaps they were too desperate to have Shiro back that they were willing to accept him. Or they didn’t know Shiro as well as Keith had, hadn’t obsessed about him the way Keith had, spending many a afternoon committing to memory every inch of him. Lance may have given him one odd look, but the brief denial passed, waved off as part of Shiro’s time with the Galra. 

But something didn’t sit right with Keith. This wasn’t _his_ Shiro. 

And it hurt. Shiro was still out there, perhaps lost forever, perhaps dead. Keith couldn’t love the man before him, despite having the same memories. He hadn’t lived those experiences with Keith. Whatever he was, this man was a creation from the Galra empire, either a spy or something else. 

But to say anything before the team wouldn’t do. They already thought he was out of his mind for his behavior after Shiro disappeared without warning. 

He wished he could just accept and love this man instead, too tired of searching and fighting, if only this Shiro didn’t keep hurting him.

*

It took one incident too many to upset Keith enough to just stand up and _leave_ , sick of being treated like shit before the rest of the team, the rest of the people he was starting to also consider his friends. Allura had to hold Shiro back as Keith stormed away, and the rest of the team had to carry on the meeting without him. He never thought he would hate Shiro for any reason. The very thought twisted his stomach into knots.

They never fought before. Maybe a little skirmish here or there. Nothing like this. _That’s because he’s not Shiro!_

He went to his room and plopped onto his bed. Digging his hand under the covers, he retrieved his set of headphones. Pidge had discovered some means of retrieving data files from Earth, including books, including whole encyclopedias and legal documents, films, and music. Among other things, Keith had requested this song. 

Ever since Shiro had returned back to him, Keith had found himself drawn back to the song. But now with him missing again, Keith refused to let the song die away again. That would mean thinking that Shiro had died and he wouldn’t entertain the thought, not with a stranger with his face and voice and memories (but not _him_ ) walking around in the Castle, hurting Keith in a million ways Shiro never would. 

He slipped on the headphones and played on the song, set it on repeat. The yearning came a few moments into the song, remembering how things were, a far simpler time when the future was far more hopeful, when his biggest threat were upperclassmen and his own fears, his own jealous heart. 

He sighed heavily, trying to fight back the tears. It wasn’t fair. If Allura was right, and she often was when it came to examining souls, then why couldn’t this be easy for them? Why was this lifetime so terrible for them? Was it always this bad in the other lifetimes? Keith chuckled bitterly; he didn’t even want to dwell on that, who else they may have been, what else they may have had endured, always side by side but never together, so close yet far, always just out of reach. 

He shouldn’t. It felt odd doing this, disrespectful given the unknown status of Shiro’s wellbeing, but the yearning was becoming too strong to ignore. Keith wasn’t expecting anyone to come seeking him for a long while. 

Unbuttoning his jeans, his hand slipped into his pants, and he closed his eyes and focused on Shiro. A single tear rolled down his cheeks. 

If only…

*

The Champion had a soulmate. Peering into his thoughts, she got a good vision of the young man, the doe-like eyes that looked up to the Champion with wonder and respect; she felt how the Champion’s entire chest filled with warmth upon seeing him, how his body vibrated with mirth and love. The young lover was not one of the humans they had brought in. Must have been back in that primitive planet of theirs.

Still, the witch had taken note of this, should the information ever come in handy. 

When they lost him, she retrieved the memories back. And peered into the young lover’s mind. 

Back in her lab, she set to work. She knew exactly what to do.

*

He had come to realize he wasn’t Shiro. He answered to the name still, but once the realization dawned on him, he stopped referring to himself as such. Whatever he was, he was at least accepted here. Everyone loved Shiro. So by extension they at least liked him.

Except for Keith. He sensed something was off. That frustrated him, especially because he knew. 

He knew how Shiro felt about Keith; the man harbored a deep love for him that drew back since their days at the Garrison. But Shiro was maddeningly patient and would not make his feelings known unless Keith ever spoke up on his own. Sometimes Shiro had entertained the thought that this was mutual but wouldn’t let his mind wander into vain hopes. But he had deeply loved Keith, and the man who now bore his name felt the residues of that affection. He wanted Keith because Shiro loved him. 

He also knew how Keith felt about Shiro. Somehow. Couldn’t explain it, but he felt an odd sort of connection to Keith’s mind as well, as if Shiro and Keith were somehow telepathically linked. 

For what it was worth, he tried to speed things up. Cranked up the affection towards Keith far more than Shiro would have dared when they were alone. He praised him continually in private, touched his shoulders, craving the skin that Shiro denied himself. 

He wished he could have done the same in public. He couldn’t told back a biting comment or two. How did Shiro do it? How could he love Keith so unconditionally? If only Keith wasn’t so… _irritating_ …at times, he wouldn’t have to keep yelling at him or having to step in because Keith’s ideas of leading were so abysmal. 

Oh, he wanted Keith because Shiro loved him, but he also wanted to throttle Keith until blood gushed from his nostrils. That would teach him a lesson. The clashing urges often resulted in a headache, such as the most recent fight before the entire team. He was ready to chase Keith down and smash his skull against the wall, but Allura held him back, and he spent the rest of the meeting trying to calm himself down. 

The meeting had long adjourned and the team dispersed, some to the rec room, some to train, some to their rooms. His headache was finally subsiding, as was the urge to murder that bloody Keith. He just wanted to go back to his room, probably do some exercise before heading to bed. 

He was passing by in the halls when he approached Keith’s room. A song flitted through; Keith was always playing some song or other on his headphones, shutting out the rest of the world in the process, but as he neared the door, the oddly familiar words of the song froze him in his place. He had never paid attention to the words before, but something about this was familiar, and—

His mind reeled to fantasies that were not Shiro’s: of Keith lying in bed and touching himself as he cried out Shiro’s name, of hearing it in the car and wanting desperately to bear out his heart and soul to Shiro, of all the feelings that Keith associated with the lyrics, the voice, the guitar riff. 

A fire ignited within him as if something suddenly switched on automatic. Hate and lust blazed inside him, seeking release. Throat tight and breathing heavily, the man turned towards the door. His right hand glowed as it yanked the doors wide open. 

*

Keith gasped, but it wasn’t from being in the throes of pleasure. The song still blared in his ears, and he had no idea if his name was being called. The man that claimed to be Shiro had just stormed in, and Keith was caught with his hand buried deep in his pants.

Before he could say anything, the man grabbed his pants and tore them off painfully. With a cry, Keith scrambled to get off but was shoved back down, pinned by all-too-powerful arms. One of the earpieces slipped off its place, though the song still filtered to his ear. 

Looking up, he saw eyes glowing vibrant and golden. 

“He loved you,” the man said hungrily in the free ear. “And I love you, sweet love of mine.” 

“Shiro? No…”

His stomach lurched. He didn’t need confirmation at this moment, not like this. And yet, somewhere in the back of his mind, perhaps influenced by how hot and needy his body was for touch, touch that this man was offering him, lusting hands roaming him in ways he could only dream and pray that Shiro would ever do to him…enjoy him, let him take you, his urges begged him. A tiny voice that still rationed set off alarm bells. 

“He loved you so much. And I…I love you. _I hate you._ ” 

His lips came crashing down, stealing kisses from Keith before his pants joined Keith’s on the ground. One arm still pinned him down, nearly cutting off his breathing, as another grabbed his leg and hoisted his hips up. 

Keith’s mind reeled wildly, unable to comprehend what was happening. His body quivered, his emotions a tangle of terror, need, confusion, lust, want, fear. 

An agonizing pain seared through his body and he grabbed the man’s shoulders, screaming at him to stop as the song continued to scream into his ears. The man’s coiled into an awful grin as he pounded into him, mockingly mouthing the words of the song that screamed into Keith’s ears. 

_No, no!_

He was so much like Shiro. Keith wanted to have him, but each second brought more agony. This was everything that Keith had ever wanted with Shiro twisted and violated: to make love to this song, for Keith to have Shiro, for Shiro to have him, but all pleasure exploded into pain after pain. He cried out as he felt a tear, and his blood boiled to bursting point. Not this; this was not his Shiro, and he would not let this man continue to violate him. 

He pounded the man’s chest and shrieked, screwing his eyes shut as the song, the damn song screamed into his ears, mocking him of one his better kept secrets. He body trembled as the man plummeted into him, burying deeper, taking what was Shiro’s, robbing the pleasure that was supposed to be Keith’s.

He cried out as he felt another tear. 

Keith finally was able to wiggly out from under him and push him off, kicking him in the face with all of his might as tears veiled his eyesight. He ripped the earphones off. He would have tore the entire music player apart into pieces. Instead he threw it against the wall. 

At that moment Allura and Coran appeared. The door, Keith realized, had been wide open the entire time.

“We heard screaming,” Coran said breathlessly and both he and Allura gasped, freezing at the sight before them. Keith still lay with his legs spread. He glanced down and saw bruises begin to rise on his thighs. He avoided checking for any other signs of the rape. Allura and Coran’s silent stunned expression, shocked but full of compassion and worry for him, were enough to make him want to scream. 

The man on the ground was just starting to come to. 

“He’s not Shiro!” Keith cried out. He jumped off his bed and kicked the man again before hastily grabbing for his pants and making for the nearest bathroom. He splashed water over his face, hating how bloodshot his eyes had gotten. He turned to washing himself, feeling sick to his stomach and close to breaking everything within reach. 

_Where do we go now?_ The words from the song repeated over and over in Keith’s mind until the urge returned to scream until his lungs tore. 

After some time a knock came on the door. 

“Come in,” Keith said in a small voice. 

Coran and Allura appeared again, both watching him with utmost concern. 

“He ran off,” Allura said, watching him closely. “We ran after him but it was too late. He took a pod and escaped.” 

Keith’s fists clenched and unclenched. “Was he hostile to any of you?” 

Allura and Coran exchanged looks. 

“No, actually,” Allura said. “He seemed shocked at himself. And very embarrassed.” 

“I think he was running away from himself as much as from us,” Coran said. 

Keith nodded a thanks for the update. 

“That’s not Shiro,” he said. “The Galra Empire must have made a clone or something out of him. His eyes glowed. He kept saying things to me about…about the real Shiro. I think he was sent to us to spy or something. And something must have set him off to act this way.” He thought of the song again and felt sick rising in his stomach again. How did the Galra know? 

Allura nodded. “I will check to make sure he hasn’t stolen any intel from us or the Blade of Marmora. And Keith…we will need to examine you.” 

Keith nodded. 

Coran placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll tell the rest of the team about not-Shiro’s betrayal. I will not tell them about…” He motioned vaguely. “I’ll make a story.” 

“Okay.” Keith looked up, daring to meet their eyes as his own threatened to well up with tears again. “Thank you.” 

He managed a small smile before meeting Allura’s eyes again. He had been fighting back tears the entire time, but she was openly crying, and he understood the reason why, remembering their conversation from months back. It made his own will weaken, but he held himself. That was, until she embraced him; and Coran join her, and Keith melted into their hugs, allowing himself to indulge in a good cry. 

“Where do we go from here?” Coran asked when they were back in Keith’s room, surveying the damage. They helped him clean his sheets and collect the broken pieces of his music player. Keith had a proper bath and put on some clean clothes; the ones he had been wearing before were placed away. He wanted them burned, but Allura wanted to examine them for any information they could give on the clone Shiro. 

_Where do we go now?_

Keith sighed and glanced down the hall, hoping that Hunk, Lance, and Pidge were resting well right now. They won’t bother them with the news until the next day. Was it ever going to be easy? 

He turned back to Allura and Coran. 

“Keep searching. Find Shiro. _My_ Shiro.”

**Author's Note:**

> The song "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses was alluded to multiple times in this work.


End file.
